this 37th week.

Last time around, I wrote a post called this 37th week. And Evelyn was born that night. Today’s that day. I’m 37 weeks and 1 day. And I was a little stressed this week about it, I think. Just a little nervous about my doctor appointment and what they were going to tell me. And I just didn’t feel quite ready for a baby today.

But all is (so far) well. Doctor’s happy. Baby’s happy. I’m happy. Not that I’ll complain if baby chooses to come a bit early. But the two days before Ev was born, all I did was sit in a chair and crochet a blanket. These days I’m running and gunning, feeling the desire to sell most of my furniture on craigslist, buy a few different items, get the stars to align, etc.

So I’m working on just slowing down and breathing. I did just find a cool couch on craigslist though. So..I’ll let you know how that goes. Last time it was the dining room table that caused all the angst.

Incidentally, today is also April 24th. Which means that Ev is now 18 months. Or a year and a half. Whichever you prefer. And I do hope she loves the baby just as much outside the womb as she does inside.

One of the first things she does when I walk over to her crib after her nap is chirp her baby noise and lift my shirt to say hello and give the baby a pat or a kiss. If I call her a baby, she has to say hi to the baby. If my parents ask her about it on facetime, she shows them…So of course, in public, she’ll be sitting on my lap and decide it’s time to say hello to baby. Wes tries to tell her that the baby is night night. I chuckle.

Wes has been a bit busy with the music gig side of things which has increased my feelings of running and gunning. Ev and I have had a few late nights together because of this. And while I much prefer having Wes home in the evenings, we’ve had some pretty special times that I’ll cherish. I let her go to sleep with me (takes forever) and she snuggles around and shifts and whales and says, ‘ssss’ when I ask her if she wants to sing. Then she holds up her little finger for her new fave, ‘this little light of mine’. I ask her if she wants to pray and she reaches for my hand. And we thank God for her, the baby, daddy, Gladys, the trees and flowers, birdies and pray that she always remembers how loved she is by her moma, daddy and Jesus. And then she rustles around and rustles around some more and occasionally pops up to say hello to baby and then finally falls to sleep.

Beautiful days, these.

Posted in baby, for ev., new baby | 2 Comments

i’m in love with april.

Gosh. This month. It’s been incredible.

The weather has been stunning. The three of us spent pretty much every waking moment outside last weekend. It was bliss. Wesley has a bit of a hard time just lazing around (I’m working on it) but in between mowing our yard, power washing, weed eating, tree trimming, grape vine trimming, mowing neighbors yard, he actually laid down on the blanket with me and ev. Mostly when it was meal time.

Ev’s swing was hung back up in the tree and the fountain was filled with water. Her life is now complete and she goes back and forth between the two.IMG_5538IMG_5552 

Wesley’s birthday was this week and we took our first date since January. It was such a success that I’m declaring a date every week until the baby’s born because after that…We tried a new place on the downtown mall, Red Pump Kitchen. Absolutely ridiculous. I haven’t enjoyed a meal to that extent in quite some time. Locals; grilled shrimp. Party in my mouth.

I was actually kinda excited about Wesley’s birthday gift, had some help with ideas from brother dear but I stupidly left the browser tab open on the computer that clearly showed what I’d purchased for his birthday and when he got home, he used the computer. I realized what I had done and was so disappointed and wanted to cry and was just pregnant and sick with myself. I got over it and just pretended like he hadn’t seen anything. Miraculously, he’d somehow ignored the ‘backcountry receipt’ tab and I got to enjoy his surprise. So that was fun. I felt like a champ

I’ve reached the nine month mark, baby is firmly head down on the ‘launch pad’ and I feel great. Thank you prenatal pilates. (I sent a brief clip of myself doing my moves to a couple friends and we all hooted together.) I was carrying dread around with me at this point in Evelyn’s pregnancy as I anticipated a cesarean and while I don’t know how this labor will end up, I’m excited and giddy about it. Which, if I think about it, means I’m excited about labor etc., and that seems like a weird thing to say. But…yep. I am!

I have this little cherub that reaches up to hold my hand. And I walk around with her and relish the feel of her small squishy hand. We have a new morning routine. I ask her if she wants to go find bugs and she says, ‘sssss’. (Please). So I get my little handheld vacuum cleaner (one of the best purchases we’ve made), and sometimes she walks with me, other times crawls ahead, and we look for bugs. There’s always at least five stink bugs around, and she squeals when she finds one. I ask her if she’s ready, ‘ssss’, and then I vacuum them up and she shudders and shivers and then moves on to find the next one. It’s the funniest thing.

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Fountain gurgling. Sunshine. Evelyn’s giggle. Green hills. Flowering trees. Wesley’s love. (He’s been mowing around a patch in the yard that is full of wildflowers and whenever I see it, I feel pregnantly moved by his care and thoughtfulness). Friends prayers. God’s peace.

Lots of love.

Posted in for ev., Happiness, new baby | 1 Comment

a day in the life.

It seems like I should document a normal day so that next month, when newborn crazy town arrives, I can look back and laugh or cry at my idyllic, restful, scheduled life.

So. Ev generally wakes up around 8:52, give or take 30 minutes. I plod up the stairs (usually groggily) and then make her the exact same breakfast she’s consumed for almost a year now: banana and oatmeal. She then plays around while I make myself the exact same breakfast I’ve consumed since December: egg, bacon, toast, large glass of cran-raspberry juice. I just bought six jugs of the stuff because it was on sale. Variety may be the spice of life but I guess not at breakfast time.

We putter around together for a bit but usually around 10:22 she’s ready to hit the hay again. Depending on diaper situations, she’ll be upstairs in her crib until 1-2:30. I kept going up to check on her yesterday because of the loud singing and every time I’d peak through the door, she’d be rocking her baby or swinging it up in air. I finally changed her diaper around noon and didn’t see her til 2:40.

While she’s upstairs, I spend the first bit of the time in my bedroom and the kitchen picking up, doing dishes, and these days, a bit of baking or cooking for after baby. Once the kitchen’s clean, I make my way into the living for 20 to 30 minutes of prenatal pilates. You guys. It’s been almost five dedicated weeks of exercise. I’ve missed three days. Basically, I am a rockstar…still with no muscles but at least with better balance. I actually really like it. (I just added the 2 pound weights 10 days ago so that could be why no muscles have appeared).

Then…ahh. My iced coffee with a piece of hard bottomed coffee cake. I seriously go to bed dreaming about my coffee cake and can’t wait for the morning to come so I can partake again.

Ev eventually wakes up. And eats a string cheese, egg, and fruit. Always. Sometimes we split a smoothie in addition.

And then we play. The last couple days have been marvelous and we’ve spent our afternoons outdoors. Yesterday after lunch, I opened the back door for her, raced downstairs to switch over the laundry, then raced back upstairs, made my way to the back door and began peering out in the yard for her, wondering why I didn’t immediately see her.

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She hadn’t quite made it that far. Speedy gonzales, she is not.

She has started letting us help her walk a tiny bit more in the yard and stands up more and more by herself. She still thinks she’s pretty cool by performing this trick.

After playing in Gladys’ water dish, shoveling in the fountain, and swinging, we eventually come inside. Sometimes a nap. Sometimes not.

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Dinner is generally a family affair where Ev stands on her chair, leans on the table (we’ve never had a high chair) and jabbers about the day while chewing on a piece of bread. Wes and I grin and shake our head at her antics.

More playing, often a bath with mom, bouncing on the bed with dad, standing tricks, snuggles with all and then to bed around 8:52. The biggest change in bedtime routine has happened since returning home from California. I would often hear my friends say how naptime and bedtime were the sweetest of times with their children. I’d cringe and think, ‘not here’. Generally speaking, prior to 2015, we’d chunk Ev in her crib and run out the door before she realized it was now time to sleep. If you attempted any cuddling or snuggling or singing or sweet moments, she’d have none of it and holler to beat the band.

Now, she snuggles in your arms, sucks on her blanket and coos and grins as you sing, pray, whisper sweet nothings. I lay her down, and she grins up at me as I give her her baby to cuddle with. Then I blow her a kiss and she giggles.

And my heart melts all the way downstairs.

I adore these days.

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Posted in baby, for ev. | 6 Comments

i’ve been dreaming of this.

I went to the doctor yesterday.

They were having trouble with the ventilation system and I got hot and a bit uncomfortable. I took off my rainboots, socks, jacket, turned out the lights and laid there in the dark for fifteen minutes waiting for the doctor. I prayed for the young family that recently lost their mother to breast cancer. For the family who’s mother is battling brain cancer. For the family who’s father is facing brain surgery.

For myself. That Jesus would be with me and help me calmly hear whatever the doctor had to say for that day. I had anticipated a very short visit, they were just planning on measuring me and sending me off on my merry way but you never know what you’ll hear so as I laid in the dark, I prayed.

I haven’t really prayed or allowed myself to hope this baby would flip. Hope deferred makes the heart sick and I didn’t really want to go through that. So I’ve asked my friends that they pray that I be thankful that I get to carry my babies, and that there will be a safe delivery for a healthy baby and a healthy moma.

The doctors have told me that I’m a great candidate for a vbac as long as the baby is in the right position but if they have to do another cesarean, that’s what all future births would be for me should I stay with their practice. That kinda depresses me so I try not to think about it as it’s majorly borrowing trouble from tomorrow.

I can get a little panicky when I think about trying to take care of Evelyn after another cesarean. It took my body a long time to recover after her birth. There’s a reason they tell you not to lift anything heavier than your new baby and I wonder how I would get her in and out of her crib, and lift her and cuddle her and take care of her …

The doctor came in and turned on the lights and apologized for the long wait. I told him it was quite alright. He asked how I was feeling. I told him I was hot. We chatted and I told him about prenatal pilates. He asked how it was going. I told him I was feeling more graceful. And thinking that it may be making more room for the baby should the baby desire to flip. I asked him what his experiences have been with two breeches back to back. He said that it was not as likely for the second to flip but there was still a good possibility. I said that was good to hear. And then he said ‘let’s find this baby.’

He quietly prodded around my belly and kept going back to the large protrusion above my belly button. He finally said, ‘Well I wouldn’t bet my career on it, but I’m pretty sure that’s a butt.’.

‘What?!’, I said, loudly. ‘No way!’.

He nodded.

‘How sure?!’, I demanded.

‘Ninety percent sure,’.

‘No way! The head is ALWAYS over here.’. (poke poke).

‘There’s no head there.’.

‘No way!’.

Bit of a broken record. He had an amused look on his face the whole time and I pretty pleased for a tiny peak because what if I believed him and then he was wrong and I had reprogrammed my brain only to have to re-reprogram it.

And so next thing I knew I was getting an ultrasound. And the lady said, ‘head down!’. And I covered my face and cried.

And then I called Wes and he was like, ‘no way.’

And then I walked out to the car where my mom had Evelyn. She was getting a bit nervous as I had told her it’d probably be fifteen minutes and it was now an hour later. I sniffed and said, ‘it flipped!’. I think she said, ‘oh missy!’ instead of ‘no way.’.

Then I had her take the picture I’ve dreamed of taking and sharing.    And who knew 33 weeks looked so graceful jumping in the air?    (That’s a joke).

And then I went to trader joe’s and bought myself flowers and ice cream sandwiches to celebrate.  

So yeah. Not sure how I missed the whole flipping moment but this baby moves like a crazy and I’ve tried not too analyze too much. Pretty darn excited for the now possible vbac and pretty darn blessed to have so many lovely people in my life who were so happy for me.

You guys are really great.

Hugs and love.

Posted in new baby | 8 Comments

Ev’s tricks. 

Because when it’s a rainy and cold day, and poppi and megee won’t answer facetime, we take selfies of our tricks and then text them over.

This also seemed like great baby book material.

(Can anyone say first child?).

So. Without further ado.

Where’s your teeth?

Nose?

Eyes?

Ears?

What does curious George do?

(Curious George covers his eyes and plays hide and seek with the bunny).

Not pictured are tongue and belly button and hair.

She is also a huge fan of high fives. Particularly enjoys high fiving with her friends Zoe and Jaden.

Standing up is a huge trick, normally only done when she’s hyper, crazy or tired but becoming a little bit more of a common occurrence.

If asked where Moma’s baby is, she lifts up my shirt and now pats my belly. (Previously, she only stabbed my belly button.) She gets the biggest kick out of this and throws her head back and laughs after saying hi to the baby. I’d love to know how much she grasps.

I love how she marches to the beat of her own drum.  When we were thinking about when baby number two could come along, I was watching all of Ev’s older friends and kinda judging their independence levels: when did they walk, when did they feed themselves, etc. And decided, oh sure, she’ll be little miss independent by 18 months.

And maybe she will be. That’s a little over a month away. And lot’s can change in a month. But for now, we chuckle at how she marches through life. If it’s a social setting, she’s pretty much stuck to her parents (or grandparents if they’re there). If she’s playing with other kids, it’s kinda like the tortoise and the hare. Except I don’t think she ever wins any races. She and her cousin were going crazy last night. He was running back and forth and she was crawling madly after him; kinda looked like he was taking his dog for a run.

She’s a hoot. And we think she’s pretty darn adorable.

Love to you all on this first day of spring and let us all rejoice in tomorrow’s weather. (Except for my dear Boston friend.  I’ve been keeping an eye on your weather and in case you didn’t know, more snow’s coming your way. But after that there’s sun!)

snort.

xoxo.

 

Posted in baby, for ev. | 2 Comments

i’m a rockstar.

I have this friend who exercises about like me. As in, ‘hey, we should get together and exercise because we’re weak sauce!’. la la la. And that’s as far as we get.

So back in February when I ordered my prenatal yoga DVD, I texted her, knowing she’d be proud of me. ‘Cancel your order!’, she quickly texted back, ‘I ordered one when I was pregnant and never even took it out of the package!’.

Ah. Friends are the best. So. She gave it to me. And a week or so ago, I finally got my computer back. And then a couple days later, I realized I had a brand new DVD waiting to be discovered.

So last Friday, I popped it in and did two segments of Pilates for flexibility, (it seemed by far the easiest). And then I did it again. And again. And was like, ‘wow! this is my kind of exercise!’. There’s five ten minute workouts you can do; I had done four of them and had never even gotten up off the floor! And such a feeling of accomplishment when a ten segment clip is done.

I went to a party and was telling my friends about how awesome I was for doing three segments of Pilates for flexibility and how the lady who teaches it is 36 weeks pregnant, incredibly graceful, with beautifully toned arms (I’ve always admired toned arms), and maybe by the time I get to 36 weeks I’ll be toned and graceful. (Right now I’m pretty sure I look like a drunk person waving their arms around. Wes did a couple segments with me once and I had to make him move behind me because I was laughing too much at his gracefulness. So I can only imagine myself. Also. Rockstar husband who does prenatal pilates with his wife).

So my lovely friends laughed and encouraged and then one warned, with a serious expression, not to bulk up too much because manly arms aren’t cool.

I wheezed a bit and thought she must have never seen this picture I posted.IMG_4628My poor noodles. (She did laugh when I showed her what happened when I flexed my left arm. Nothing happened. Nothing has ever happened when I flex my left arm. I do have a small baked potato in my right.)

So I’ve faithfully pilated for six days now. I was seriously thankful I didn’t have dumbbells but unfortunately mentioned this to my sister in law, who has toned arms and an extra set of dumbbells. She generously donated them to the cause. So far, I’ve made Wesley use them.

Because right now, I’m feeling less like a rockstar, and pretty much just sore.

ha ha ha.

Off I go! To gracefully wave my noodles around!

Posted in friends, Happiness | 5 Comments

the entertainer

Oh you dear people who tell me that I make you laugh. You just make my day. (thank you relatives ;).

I also hope this is going through your head.

I just took a personality test. Wes helped me answer honestly. I had to ask if I irritate easily. He said yes. I sadly concurred. Anyways, my results were something like esfp-THE ENTERTAINER.

And I wasn’t sure I bought it because I just read Donald Miller’s new book, Scary Close, and he talks about how we all have our true self and then we wrap that with something that we want everyone to see. And he puts on the Entertainer. And I said, ‘hmm. Wonder if I do that?’

Then I thought about this here blog and how much it entertains me (I’m easily entertained), and then how happy I feel when it makes someone else chuckle. So maybe I do just like to entertain.

And that’s about all the time I’ll spend analyzing myself. You can let me know if you have any deep insight.

I went to a baby shower for a friend the other day.

I made a new friend.

I told a friend I’d someday like to pull her pants off. I tried to shove the words back in my mouth but they were already out. (I meant pull off the style, not literally pull off the pants. Fail).

I watched my friend (30 weeks pregnant) due a crazy dance and then dive around me to reach the coffee dispenser. Another friend had just poured a whole gallon of iced coffee into the dispenser and the nozzle thing was wide open. She had calmly walked away while coffee just streamed out.

I glared at my friends as I hopped around on one leg like a flamingo gripping my charlie horse as they asked, ‘oh really kels? tell us more. like which leg is bothering you?’.

And I nearly made my friend have kittens as we drove home together and I pondered the meaning of the blinking yellow light as I sat in the middle of the intersection. Then I gunned it and we squealed to the left. Wesley later told me it meant proceed slowly, then yield. whoops.

Baby showers aren’t usually quite that entertaining.

Congratulations friend.

Also. 
My personal entertainer.

 

Posted in friends, Happiness | 12 Comments