I recently met this girl who has 18 month old twins and is a single mama while her husband is deployed overseas. I can’t imagine how tough that would be but she said this one isn’t as bad as the first, because the first time he deployed, she was all alone.
And I’ve been thinking about that all week. I have never been alone. I went straight from being part of a family of four into marriage with Wes. And anytime I’m faced with aloneness, whether in my mind or actually a day or two or week, I kinda crash. (Anyone remember that time I was stranded in the Charlotte airport?). And I know that even if I’m alone, I’m not really. I have a friend that sticks closer than a brother, as in the Holy Spirit, as in Jesus, as in God. Thank God. And I survive these times by desperately holding on to Psalms 23 and gritting my teeth.
Not really the picture of rest. I attempt to live life with open hands but I often find myself gripping the reins of control. Which is pointless, because really, I don’t have control over much.
Did any of you see that terrible news story about the mother of six killed by a drunk driver while on her way back from visiting her premie twins at the hospital? I tried not to absorb the words but her face kept finding mine and I wondered where God was. How was he going to redeem such tragedy. Why?
So, I think I’m having a hard time trusting God. My head knows the truths that he really would be everything I need, but my heart has a heart time getting there, and it never wants to really find out. So I hold tight to the humans that bring me such joy, even as I know our time together isn’t guaranteed. When instead, I should be holding onto; because he lives, I can face tomorrow.
So. No bows to wrap up these thoughts. Just the hope that getting them out of my brain and onto paper will clear my head and help me moving on the right path.
If you’re alone, hugs.