seized by the power of a great affection

Last year my dad had the brilliant idea for us to meet in Nashville with friends and watch Ellie Holcomb headline at the Ryman. It was magical. Mesmerizing. I sat on the edge of my pew and drank in the energy and poetry and music and love and laughter and it was just all very wonderful. It had been years since we had enjoyed live music and we were like dang. This is worth it.

Last month I was visiting with a friend and we stumbled upon the fact that Andrew Peterson was playing in Charlottesville and I about tripped over myself getting tickets. We took all the kids (an eight year old, six, five, and two three year olds) and it went about how you would expect with the three year olds needing to go to the bathroom at the culminating climax of show. It was still worth it; the older kids faces as they realized they knew the songs and sang along, the storytelling, the candles, the swirling lights and music.

We continued listening to the music at home and one day while out basking in the sunshine I heard Jack go by singing, ‘I’ve been seized by the power of a great affection, seized by the power of a great affection!’ I grinned, my day instantly made.

The next day I asked the kids at breakfast if anyone had any idea what it meant to be seized by the power of a great affection. No one did. So I grabbed Ev and snuggled and nuzzled her head amidst giggles and shrieks of laughter and asked again. Ev said maybe when she gets chicks from tractor supply or sees the ocean for the first time in a long time.

There were murmurs of agreement and I suggested maybe if you hadn’t seen dad in a long time and he came home and that feeling you would get when you saw him. Ivy then chirped, ‘Like that one time you went to see Jesus and dad took care of us’.

I blinked, then got it. ‘Oh yes, when I went to The Chosen and then you guys picked me up from the airport and when I got in the car Hazey burst into tears, I do think she was probably seized by the power of a great affection.’

Same Hazey, same.

Violet, child most likely to seize me with the power of her great affection.

Perhaps live music seizes me with the power of a great affection and it was lovely to be reminded of such. Also. Andrew Peterson pretty much rips his heart out, writes about it and then sings about it. I bought his book, ‘God of the Garden‘ and was like smokes, here’s a signpost for the weary and wondering and wandering.

Alright, hugs and love til next year?

a gem of a day

Some days are just jewels. You hold them up to the light and twist them and turn them and new facets keep shining out.

Wes and I were sitting on the front porch on another beautiful September day and were like, we’ve got to do something, it’s too gorgeous to just stay home and mow the lawn.

Hiking with two two year olds is always a questionable idea but we decided to go for it and oh man. It just all came together in a gift of a day. The five kids, each a facet on the jewel, shone in their own ways. The waterfall at the end of the hike, another sparkling surprise. The laughter of the twins as they bumbled over roots and rocks holding Wes’s hands while I got to charge ahead with the big kids. The weight of Hazel sound asleep on my back, the giggle of Violet as she loses her shoe again. The way Jack would stop and stare as if mesmerized by the scene before him The ability to get out in nature, that our bodies move and run and jump…such a gift.

The deli sandwich and ice cream at the mountain store, the squeal of delight at the sight of a kitten. The long afternoon naps and the Chronicles of Prydain under the maple tree while Wes and Jack mow.

Dinner out on the patio where the back lawn has turned into a driving range, each of the kids lined up with their golf clubs practicing their swing (Ev taking it up herself to teach the twins. I narrowly missed busting my neighbors windshield. Another beautiful facet of the gem, haha).

It was a day to remember, to hold close and delight in, to be grateful for.

Full hearts.

smokes.

My brain you guys! It is literally everywhere and I have no idea what might come out on these pages and so I just stay away because what on earth do I write about?

I have been in such a season of learning these past couple of years and I’m still spending so much time thinking and mulling and learning and sharing what I’m learning but writing it down? It just doesn’t feel right yet…we shall see.

But the other day the kids and I were reading about the riot at Ephesus. And I was like ‘hey guys, I’ve been to Ephesus.’ (Mic drop). And then I was like, I’ve got to find some pictures of when we were in Ephesus. And then I was like, ‘my blog! oh my long lost little blog!’ And holy cow did I ever faithfully document our time in Turkey. So off we all trotted to the desk top computer and I regaled them with tales of trodding ancient pathways and swimming in faraway seas.

And that same week we were packing to head to Moomaw, so I clicked over to all our Moomaw trips and oh my gosh, baby Ev and Jack. And we all had such a delightful trip down memory lane that I felt the need to dust off the pages here and record something. Here it goes.

We are in the fullest summer mode I have ever been in. Schedules have mostly gone out the window and we are living it up. We got a membership at a local pool and the first day we went I was like ‘Oh my gosh why have we NEVER done this?!’. And then I remembered the previous summers with the baby children and was like, oh yes, that’s why we’ve never done this before.

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Within a couple weeks, Ivy taught herself how to swim and the three bigs dive, twist, flip and swim around. We watched a video on how to freestyle and it’s the cutest thing to watch them practice ever so diligently.

The twins float around in their puddle jumpers, prefer to be in very close proximity to me and generally ask if we can go to the bathroom again. Ha. It really is great.

And we’ve already been camping twice this summer! I do believe the last time we camped was when baby Jack woke up the entire campground at 2 am and screamed his head off for who knows how long. Guys, it’s been magical. The kids all squish together in one tent and it feels luxurious to have our own space, pretty sure the last time we tented it was with pack and plays and a baby in the bed.

We just came back from Moomaw and it was just wonderful. We did get a crazy evening storm and our tent was floating and flooded and the guys had to dig a trench to empty the pond where our tents were and blessedly we were camping with the bro and sis in the camper who had extra blankets and STILL it was magical. (Probably because Wes is a champ and just cheerfully wrings out rag after rag of our soaking tent.) The kids all tromped around between our campgrounds and it was so great to see their confidence and independence soar. Jack won most adventuresome, I do believe he tried every water sport available. Ev continued to stay glued to the tube. Violet was very self assured she was the star of the show on her tube ride. Haze was ever so brave and overcame boat fears and Ivy is just such a bridge between big kids and little. The gifts that come with her middleness are so sweet to me.

I got up on the surf board for the first time in…five years? I sent footage to my brother and he said I looked like a baby giraffe learning how to walk. It was so accurate I might have cried. Also. I was so sore the next day I just wanted to moan.

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And on that note, I should probably go make lunch for the troops. See you in a year! Or sooner?

2020 what?!

Well. I guess I really did just disappear from blog land in 2020.

It was a really loud year. Yes, it’s loud in my house but it was also really loud out here on the inter webs and I was like, ‘retreat! retreat!’.

I’m not sure how much quieter it really is out there now but my brain is maybe a smidge quieter and I thought it might be time to exercise the writing portion of it; sure to be a bit rusty.

So for starters, here’s my favorite memory of 2020. I wasn’t even there for it but it’s one that makes me smile every time I think of it.

You might remember that we went gung ho in practicing a day of rest in 2019. So, we try to sleep in on Sundays, but we have five kids. So I sleep in on Sundays and Wes gets up with the kids.

One morning in February 2020, they really beat him to the punch. The kids were 6, 4, 3, 1, 1. Evelyn had somehow heaved the twins out of their beds, gotten everyone downstairs, warmed up leftover oatmeal for everyone and was perched on the counter by the coffee machine when Wes made it down. She had already pulled his shot and steamed his milk and handed him his latte when he walked in. He took it all in and later told me Violet had this confused, dazed look on her face, like, ‘How’d I end up here?’.

I laugh every time I picture the scene.

I was so thankful to have this bunch in those weird quarantine days. Never a dull moment!

highs and lows

Wes came home the other day and asked me what my highs and lows were for the year. So much good stuff happened this year and I’ve recorded very little of it here. We asked Evelyn the same question and she pondered a bit and then asked, ‘did we get the ducks this year or last year?’.

Ha. Did you know that Wesley brought home ducks this spring? I thought he was crazy but on the weekends we literally would all drag our chairs into a half circle, fill our sled up with water, and watch the baby ducks swim and dive and splash. It was kind of amazing. Simple pleasures people.

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Wes and I left the kids with my parents for three whole nights and three/four whole days and journeyed to the Meadows of Dan for our tenth anniversary trip on our eleventh anniversary (the twins were our tenth anniversary celebration) and my thirtieth birthday. I had friends praying for me that I would be able to joyfully leave the kids and then stay in that mindset.

It was amazing. Months ago when Wesley asked what I wanted to do, I told him I wanted to go somewhere in the mountains with a view, easy hiking, a massage and possibly a pool. He delivered. We even got to go horseback riding through the hills and it was so much fun. Such a blessed getaway.

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Right around the duck time, my parents and my grandparents came out and visited. This was nothing short of a miracle and so wonderful. I loved coming inside to see Grama and Ev painting together and going for walks with the kids and Grampa to the pond. Thanks mom and dad for making that happen.

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I taught Evelyn how to read this year. Dang. Just writing that sentence gives me immense satisfaction. I can still remember my first grade teacher’s phonics board and can distinctly remember thinking in elementary school, ‘I can’t imagine trying to teach someone how to read.’ I loved helping kids with math but rules in English seem to always be shifting around and it seemed to be an arduous task.

But. Ev has pretty much mastered ‘Ten Apples up on Top,’ and ‘Snow’ and by George do I ever get a little bubble of joy every time she is able to read me the whole book. I’m proud of her and if you didn’t grasp it, I’m pretty proud of myself. haha.

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There’s more highs. Gosh. They’re rolling in as I’m typing. Beginning in July, we got our adventure on and we did some pretty big trips for the status of our family. We drove up to Pennsylvania to meet life long friends at a chateau in the hills, we took the family to the beach, took the family to ‘Little Switzerland’, and in general, just got out way more that I thought we ever would, mostly due to Wesley’s excellent leadership skills and sense of adventure. Once again, I was pretty proud of ourselves.

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Sabbath. Pretty much a weekly high. I learned about this practice when I was craving rest and wow. It’s been life changing.

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Lows. The first thing that popped into my mind here was holy smokes. This year the twins were THREE MONTHS OLD. Time is crazy like that and babies grow fast. January and February were pretty nuts still. They weren’t a sad low, just an incredibly demanding time where the joy was found in the moments. Haha, I just reread a January post and you’ll see what I mean. Wow. That was crazy.

We’re twelve months from that and my first inclination is to say we’re worlds away from that. And I think we are. But there’s still a lot going on over here. Hahahahaha. I think the next life changing steps will be when the babies learn how to go down the flight of stairs, when Violet walks and when they can feed themselves their oatmeal. And I think we’ll be there in the next three months. So that’s exciting.

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What. A. Year.

My brain actually really enjoyed this year. Lots of very interesting things to ponder and put words to and maybe I’ll write about this later but to get a glimpse, some of the books I read this year were: The Screwtape Letters, Life Together , Unseen, Ripple Effects, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, and Letters to the Church. Add in many podcasts from Bridgetown Church and you’ve got some major brain synapses occurring. It was great; difficult at times but gosh it felt good.

Ok. Couple kids that need to come out of the bath and a mere five to put in bed for a hopeful afternoon nap.

Cheers to the highs, prayers for the lows, strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

 

The twinkle toes

Oh gosh, these two. Twins are, most definitely, an experience. They’re hilarious, amusing, trying, captivating, fascinating and nonstop.

I think it was in the month of November when the kids and I really settled into a nice rhythm; breakfast together, the kids do their chores while the babies toddle around, I clean up breakfast, the kids do their review while I put the babies to bed and then we sit down together and ENGAGE.

And gosh, I was really enjoying that engaging with my three kids. We’d read and read and read and then Ev would do some math while Jack and Ivy colored and then Ev would read to me and it was just very rhythmic and enjoyable.

And then we all got sick and the babies started boycotting their morning naps and my carefully crafted mornings went to pot. Trying to read to the kids with the twins around? Are you kidding me? Violet would prefer to sit on top of me on top of the book while Hazel is more intrigued by the cups of hot cocoa she can pull off the table..CRASH!! There’s nothing better than reorganizing mom’s kitchen but if she leaves the room, abort abort! Follow her to the next room and begin repotting that plant and perhaps do a little pruning as well. Oooo, how bout let’s climb to the top of the stairs and then fuss so mom can carry us BACK down the stairs because she doesn’t do that often enough. Oooo but first lets see if someone left the bathroom door open so we can unwind all the toilet paper and splash in that little pool!

I have now trained my ear to hear the sound of the bookshelf being de-booked and can quickly spring into action and save myself some effort. I’m repeating to myself that it’s just a month or two or three of this and we’ll find a new rhythm.

Until then, I’m playing a lot more music on the piano. They actually don’t seem to mind if I’m occupied in that manner and will play in the room around me. It’s been great for my brain and I think the kids too. Evelyn plays along on her tin whistle and that’s also a blessing. (hahahaha).

I’ve also begun teaching a yoga class. It’s very similar to the popular practice of doing yoga with goats but the deep breathing benefits us all and our down dogs and child’s pose are all something to marvel at.

Serious goof troupers.

Quick stats. They’re almost fifteen months old, Hazel’s been zooming around for maybe two months? She can seriously almost run which makes sense when you see Jack coming behind, chasing her. Violet took two steps the other day and was so amazed with herself she just sat and basked in the glory of her accomplishment.

Counting sheep

The other night the five of us were sitting on the couches after the twins had gone to bed and Evelyn turned to me with shining eyes and said, ‘Mom, do you know what we do after you tuck us in?’. I clarified the after part because I hear the herd of elephants bebopping around in their room before we tuck them in. And yes, she clarified, after we’ve tucked them in all snug as bugs in a rug.

‘No,’ I honestly replied, ‘I don’t know what you do.’.

‘I sneak out of bed with my skip counting paper, turn the light on and skip count to Jack and Ivy. They always want me to.’

Not exactly what I was expecting but not too surprising either.

And so that night, we tucked them in, and then I hid in the guest room and waited.

They visited for a few minutes and then Jack asked, ‘Ev, can we do skip counting now?’. And so Ev sneaked down her ladder, quickly shut their bedroom door, turned on the light and Jack volunteered to sing the multiples for the 2s, 3s, and 4s. I silently giggled as he ended with a rousing 48 52 56 and 60!!!

Then they had another conversation break while they discussed where their grandparents would be on thanksgiving dad and the different ways you could pronounce Mississippi.

Then Ev got everyone back on track with, ‘Okaayyyyyy, where were we?’. Found herself on fives and away she went…5, 10, 15, 20…and so on. Ivy joined in on the multiples of 10 and I finally snuck back down the hallway when they were working on the 12s.

What a great season. What funny kids. What a life.

I’m grateful.

a week in december

I woke up Monday morning a bit depressed and defeated. I’d had great plans for the coming week and weekend but two of the kids had fevers in the night, I could tell I was coming down with something and could see the snot begin gathering in the other three kids.

And was like, ‘really Lord?’. And then I prayed for thankfulness for the common cold and went about the day leaving a trail of tissues in my wake.

And by the next afternoon, I had accumulated so many sweet moments with the kids that I had to say thank you. And since I gave instagram the boot, write them down.

The three kids and I were in an upstairs room folding laundry and I grouched at Jack for doing something like cartwheels over the folded laundry but we got over it together and he went and started cleaning his room leaving Evelyn, Ivy and me in silence. The heater kicked on and Evelyn(6) said, ‘I just love how quiet it is, with only the sound of the heater and us folding laundry…sigh…I think this might be my favorite part of the day’.

I looked at her in bewilderment and adoration and probably misplaced pride. Like, did I install this in my child? This love of laundry and quiet and simplicity? Probably not but wow, I’ll take it!

Another rough night and blessedly, the three older kids left me and the babies to wake up without their help. When they heard the babies, they came piling in to give their morning report. Jack (4) waxed eloquently on all the food he’d prepared, the toast for he and Ivy that he buttered, the cinnamon rolls he warmed in the microwave, how he’d tried to open the applesauce jar with the jar opener but couldn’t, etc. etc. Ivy (2) fussed that she hadn’t been able to toast her own bread and Evelyn told me they’d already done review together, she had written her verse and had done a couple pages in her cursive book. Mind you, this was still somewhere in the hour 8 am.

And I was just like dang. Look at these cherubs shining in their snot. Such gifts.

A summer week

It’s sabbath. Sunday. The best day of the week. We stop. Rest. Delight. Worship. And then the kids or Wes go out and invite various neighbors over to grill pizza with us in the backyard. This Sunday John and Debbie and Jim joined us. John and Debbie have pretty much been around the world and back and declared the horn of South America the most beautiful place in the world. Jim began telling us about a cruise he was going  on in September only to find out John and Debbie are departing on the very same cruise this week.

A wonderful day marred only by the fact that I sneezed all day long. Two boxes of tissues and rolls of toilet paper scattered about the house. If you’ve ever sneezed all day, you’ll find it’s not very restful, but there’s always next Sunday.

On Monday Allison came over with her kidlings and spent the day with us. We toted babies up and down the stairs, inside and out, flung food at the children and actually had ourselves a little jam fest with me banging the keys and her strumming the guitar and the kids marching in the infantry.

Wes grilled dinner for us and then cleaned it all up while we bathed all seven children. Quite a feat.

Katy came over on Tuesday and brought crafts for the kids and read books to them and then we did our best to squeeze some adult conversation in there too. It was lovely. All five kids actually napped together when she left and I reveled.

Right about the time the kids were waking up my neighbor Audrey called and said they’d been cleaning out the attic and found some toys and wondered if they could bring them over. And so in they came with a 45 year old chest of trains and lincoln logs and all the fun accessories. The kids have been in imagination mode the rest of the week.

Because everyone napped, we decided a family walk was in order after dinner so I picked about 53 zinnias to share and off we went visiting Jim and Bess, Jake and Allie, Julie, and Jessie.

I was feeling the spark of creativity and on Wednesday, the kids and I made bagels. It was my first endeavor and I was texting the ones who sparked my bagel creativity and was so pleased with myself and my bagels that naturally, they came over to sample. I made Wes come home for lunch so he too could be blown away, then Ashley arrived and then Katy. It was pretty fun to share the bounty.

In the evening Wes took the kids over to Taylor and Emily’s pool while I talked to my parents and held some very needy babies.

We all gathered in the living room to read before bed when the door bell rang and it was John. They were leaving on their cruise and wanted to give us the perishables in their fridge. He handed Wes the watermelon, ground beef and peaches and. Jack piped up and wondered if there was anything else in their fridge. John told them to come have a look. So off Ev and Jack ran to scrounge around in their fridge while Wes and I died of laughter. Especially when they came back with radishes and carrots.

Thursday morning I was upstairs in my room after putting the babies down for their nap when Ev came charging in. ‘Ev. How many times do I have to tell you. DON’T come in when I’ve just put the babies down.’

Well. George was here ringing the doorbell. George is 80 and has a huge garden and comes over everything other week or so with a vegetable delivery. This day brought us tomatoes, corn, cucumbers and okra. It’s really amazing and I begin to get overwhelmed by the generosity of our neighbors.

It was a quiet day after that and the kids and I all had a picnic together and as I sat their watching my brood while Jack declared this was the best dinner ever, my heart swelled with great contentment. Hallelujah for this season.

Every other Thursday evening, I get in Wesley’s car and leave the house. It’s astonishing and amazing. First I go to the library and chill. And then I usually car pool with Dana over to Rachaels house where a group of us are going over the book Unseen by Sara Hagerty. Three of the girls are pregnant and the other four all have babies 13 months and down so there is much kinship in the journey together. These Thursday nights are life giving and soul filling and I love them.

Friday morning I came downstairs to a quiet house…and Jack. Ev was getting to go to work with Dad for a couple hours to make some money cleaning the office and so great was Jacks desire to go along that he had gotten up early, made himself some toast and unloaded the dishwasher. It was the sweetest, most heartbreaking thing, and of course, his dad couldn’t resist making it happen. So around lunch, he came and picked the two of them up and they got to go on a date with their grandad and then ‘work’ at the shop. Ev took her pink cleaning gloves along and cleaned the bathroom and dusted and was incredibly pleased to show me her earnings when she arrived home.

It’s Saturday morning. Wesley’s pruning bushes, the kids are harvesting tomatoes and bugging the chickens. The babies are napping. A breeze is blowing by. And I’m like wow. What an amazing week.

my life is making sense.

How do I know this?

Because I baked muffins on Sunday, cookies on Monday, and a quiche on Wednesday. All extracurricular food that we did not need for survival, which points to the fact that life must be developing a rhythm.

And I do believe it is, all the praise!

Instead of the postpartum ponderings, which I tend to partake of after each baby arrives wherein I plot and replot the course of my life and wonder at its purpose, my brain has let go. I think, in general, I’m back to living in my lane, which has opened me back to discover all sorts of mind blowing new things. You guys. SABBATH. How did I not know about this? I’ve thought several times about yakking about it on my IG stories but haven’t worked up the proper energy yet to do so. If you are on a sabbath journey or want to know what the heck I’m talking about, please get a hold of me so I can overflow to someone besides my parents and my two friends who are probably tired of me texting them about sabbath. haha.

I’m moving! Not very fast but this week I ran the FARTHEST I have ever run in my life. Drumroll please. Two point two miles. I was so happy I could have cried. I’ve really been working on this since the end of last year and to actually see and notice and feel progress is amazing. I was like, close to passing out just walking up killer hill behind us in January and this week I ran up 2/3s of it. I put Chris Tomlin in my pocket, praise God for the ability to move my body and then, towards the end, petition Jesus to keep me moving. I’m not sure where the Holy Spirit fits in here but I’m sure it does. Feel free to point out.

The twins. JJ Heller recently penned a new song with the lines, ‘Big magic in the mundane, big picture in a small frame. Everything is sacred when you take time to notice, big love happens in the small moments. And I’m saying it over and over to myself as I watch the babies on their bellies staring at each other or holding hands. Or see the big kids ‘climb’ their stuffed animals in a tree or, you name it. We’re in this brief and beautiful moment where Ivy is pretty much keeping up with Jack and Ev and the twins are not mobile and pretty content to just lay on a rug with some toys to roll over on.

Spring is here, we’ve had days upon days of sunshine and it’s filling me up.

Hallelujah.

Love and hugs.

P.S. Just for perspective sake. This was written an hour before Jack woke up the three littles screaming about a bunny and Ev took Ivy downstairs and got her some applesauce and Ivy didn’t like being told by Ev to carry it carefully to the table and then threw the bowl of applesauce at her sister. Just in case the sunshine and roses mentioned above were too much for you. haha. And for those who watched my IG stories, yes, Ev cleaned up the mess, but I put Ivy back in her bed to dwell on decisions, not Ev. haha.

Ok. Peace.