Ahh. I probably should have penned this a week ago when I was absolutely high on Ivy. My brain has come more fully to terms that there is now more to life than snuggling my newborn but that first week plus was pretty magical. I’d just snuggle her to my chest and she’d inch up so her head would be in the crook of my neck and warmth would spread through my body and my brain would shoot off endorphins. It’s pretty great.
But her story…it’s all pretty simple and straightforward until you throw in all my feelings and thoughts and then you quickly have quite the essay.
So here it goes.
Back in early November, my favorite doctor guessed that my breech baby had turned. He said he wasn’t betting anything on this one but he said he was 80% sure. I didn’t ask for an ultrasound confirmation. I wanted to believe the baby had turned and so I did. And it was a great month of no baby on the brain stress.
Then I went to the another doctor in early December who chuckled at his fellow doctors guesses and said he liked to be sure so he pulled out their new ‘flip phone ultrasound’ and saw that baby was breech.
That’s when I said crud a bunch of times and shed tears and said crud some more.
I went to labor and delivery in the hospital the next week in the hospital for an ECV (the doctor puts their hands on your belly and tries to help baby flip). In case you’re curious as to what that feels like, I liken it to about three Jacks all wrestling on top of my very pregnant self. I do believe a kidney was bruised in the process.
I was wowed by the amount of exertion the doctor put forth but after a couple tries it was evident that baby was pretty darn comfortable in it’s current condition. It was really quite disappointing. When the doctor and nurses all left the room, I sobbed. And was really grateful for Wesley’s quiet presence and hand to hold.
It’s something that was hard for me to figure out how to pray for. I really wanted baby to flip. I really didn’t want a cesarean. But obviously, the most important thing was for a healthy baby and safe delivery. But I really didn’t want a cesarean. Really, I just wanted things to go exactly how I wanted them to go. Weird.
But in that last month, I finally was able to put it into words. And I prayed, ‘God, if having a healthy baby and a healthy moma means having a cesarean, then I ask you for a cesarean. And if I can have a healthy baby and healthy moma with a flipped baby, then I ask for that. With peace to cover me.’
It’s amazing how that prayer, (and I’m sure the prayers of many of you), altered my perspective. I woke up one morning and the phrase, ‘make your requests known,’ kept going through my mind. I can be bold making requests to God on the behalf of others but often feel as though I have so much, how could I ask God for something just for me, it seems selfish.
But that phrase, and then the verse, be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, make. your. requests. known. And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding will overwhelm, surround, fill you. (That’s a bit of a Kelsey version on Philippians 4:6-8). And I did have peace. And it was an amazing feeling to actually boldly ask for a cesarean, major perspective shifter.
I went to the doctor a few days after my ECV, prepared to schedule my cesarean. It was my favorite doctor again and he told me that if I wanted, we could just wait for me to go into labor and not schedule anything, thereby giving baby the most time to flip. This was like the icing on my peace cake. It was such a relief and wonderful feeling not to put myself or baby on a schedule.
And interestingly enough, I went into labor 36 hours later. This was so satisfying for a couple reasons. The day before, I seriously didn’t know how much longer my hips were going to be able to hold it together. It kinda felt like my body was turning into a slide. And I had no idea how baby was going to stay in until due date. And then boom. Water broke. And I was like ah ha!
And it was just like, I’ve done everything I can do. I’ve pilated, I’ve done the ECV, I’ve inverted, I’ve laid upside down for hours, and now I’m in labor, and there’s nothing more to do. This was very different from all my thoughts on Evelyn’s birth and really, gave me peace and shut the door on my wonderings on her birth, like what if they’d just waited?
And it was very satisfying and wonderfully exciting to know I was going to meet my baby that day.
And so, around ten am on Friday the twenty third, I loaded up bags and children and arrived at Mimi’s house to exchange children for husband and away we drove. And it’ll be awhile before I forget the look in Ev’s eye when I told her we were going to go get the baby. Her eyes got all big and she was stoked.
Happily enough, it was once again, my favorite doctor on call. We had to wait for quite some time and I did have some emotions, little bit nervous, a lot excited, and a lot more mentally prepared. I basked in my Jadon Lavik radio station (I cannot find my theme song to share but its a new version of thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, anyone know it?).
I walked into the operating room to Ten Thousand Reasons, and held on tightly to the music while the surgery began. Chris Rice crooned How Great Thou Art and it was pretty beautiful. I was piled with blankets because of how cold I had been during Evelyn’s birth and this made the experience much better. Also, there’s just something about anesthesiologists. This doctor had such a quiet voice and would soothingly give me updates and touch my face and was pure calm and comfort.
It seemed to take forever and I was waiting with baited breath when Wesley excitedly told me it was a girl. And I cried and cried as I very awkwardly got to snuggle my tiny sweet little baby.
And so, Ivy Mae arrived at 5:05 on a Friday afternoon right before two three day weekends. She had perfect timing and was the perfect size, 6 pounds 10 ounces, completely filling up our hearts.
There is nothing like a newborn.
All praise to Him. With overflowing hearts.