I went to the doctor yesterday.
They were having trouble with the ventilation system and I got hot and a bit uncomfortable. I took off my rainboots, socks, jacket, turned out the lights and laid there in the dark for fifteen minutes waiting for the doctor. I prayed for the young family that recently lost their mother to breast cancer. For the family who’s mother is battling brain cancer. For the family who’s father is facing brain surgery.
For myself. That Jesus would be with me and help me calmly hear whatever the doctor had to say for that day. I had anticipated a very short visit, they were just planning on measuring me and sending me off on my merry way but you never know what you’ll hear so as I laid in the dark, I prayed.
I haven’t really prayed or allowed myself to hope this baby would flip. Hope deferred makes the heart sick and I didn’t really want to go through that. So I’ve asked my friends that they pray that I be thankful that I get to carry my babies, and that there will be a safe delivery for a healthy baby and a healthy moma.
The doctors have told me that I’m a great candidate for a vbac as long as the baby is in the right position but if they have to do another cesarean, that’s what all future births would be for me should I stay with their practice. That kinda depresses me so I try not to think about it as it’s majorly borrowing trouble from tomorrow.
I can get a little panicky when I think about trying to take care of Evelyn after another cesarean. It took my body a long time to recover after her birth. There’s a reason they tell you not to lift anything heavier than your new baby and I wonder how I would get her in and out of her crib, and lift her and cuddle her and take care of her …
The doctor came in and turned on the lights and apologized for the long wait. I told him it was quite alright. He asked how I was feeling. I told him I was hot. We chatted and I told him about prenatal pilates. He asked how it was going. I told him I was feeling more graceful. And thinking that it may be making more room for the baby should the baby desire to flip. I asked him what his experiences have been with two breeches back to back. He said that it was not as likely for the second to flip but there was still a good possibility. I said that was good to hear. And then he said ‘let’s find this baby.’
He quietly prodded around my belly and kept going back to the large protrusion above my belly button. He finally said, ‘Well I wouldn’t bet my career on it, but I’m pretty sure that’s a butt.’.
‘What?!’, I said, loudly. ‘No way!’.
‘How sure?!’, I demanded.
‘Ninety percent sure,’.
‘No way! The head is ALWAYS over here.’. (poke poke).
‘There’s no head there.’.
Bit of a broken record. He had an amused look on his face the whole time and I pretty pleased for a tiny peak because what if I believed him and then he was wrong and I had reprogrammed my brain only to have to re-reprogram it.
And so next thing I knew I was getting an ultrasound. And the lady said, ‘head down!’. And I covered my face and cried.
And then I called Wes and he was like, ‘no way.’
And then I walked out to the car where my mom had Evelyn. She was getting a bit nervous as I had told her it’d probably be fifteen minutes and it was now an hour later. I sniffed and said, ‘it flipped!’. I think she said, ‘oh missy!’ instead of ‘no way.’.
Then I had her take the picture I’ve dreamed of taking and sharing. And who knew 33 weeks looked so graceful jumping in the air? (That’s a joke).
And then I went to trader joe’s and bought myself flowers and ice cream sandwiches to celebrate.
So yeah. Not sure how I missed the whole flipping moment but this baby moves like a crazy and I’ve tried not too analyze too much. Pretty darn excited for the now possible vbac and pretty darn blessed to have so many lovely people in my life who were so happy for me.
You guys are really great.
Hugs and love.