I had seven ultrasounds with miss Evelyn (a small story in and of itself) and all six of these that took place after 22 weeks showed that she was a breech bebe. (She’s snoozing on my chest right now. That’s fun.)
So for many months, I sorta tried to prepare myself for the possibility of a cesarean birth. I did those dumb (I’m sure very helpful) spinning baby tricks for 6 weeks, frozen peas on the head, warm compress and music on the tush, etc.
I went in for my 36 week appointment and was told that I would have to schedule my cesarean at 39 weeks. So much for trying to prepare myself. I was so thankful for my Dr. who told me to go home and grieve and kick and scream and punch anyone in the face who well meaningly told me that this was my first lesson in losing control when becoming a mother. She gave me my options as far as different doctors and days and told me I could kick it around and schedule it at my next appointment.
I cried the whole way home. And cried some more when I told Wes. And cried off and on the next few days. Hence all those emotions Grampa was praying for. I tried to explain it to Wes. It seemed strange to grieve a thing like labor and delivery and all that pain. I’ve only had one friend tell me how fun her labor was and I told her she was a nut. heh. Hi friend. But to prepare for that time of labor and the euphoric experience I imagined that delivering a baby would be and the bonding with Wes and the baby…and then to have that seemingly all taken from me…I grieved.
In the next few days, I talked to a few friends who had cesarean births and so appreciated them sharing their stories with me. My Aunt Stacy sent me a very helpful read about someone else’s experience with a breech bebe.
itunes radio was on that whole week as I prayed and attempted to counsel myself about all my blessings and worked on getting my thoughts off myself. This song played over and over again and I kinda latched onto it. I told myself that since I had already sung a song about God holding all my hopes and all my dreams in His hands, I just needed to take a deep breath and rest in that. And as I approached my next appointment, I was able to do that; rest knowing that all the way, my Savior leads me.
And wow, was I ever grateful I’d been led to that peace because my 37 week appointment did not go like I’d planned.