pioneer woman for a day.

Oh friends. This was truly rich. Highly enjoyable. And just really quite amusing.

Just so we all start on on the same page, I love pioneer woman. I call her p-dub. We go way back. And it’s a good thing we’re so tight otherwise Wes and I probably never could have accomplished the feat I’m about to tell you.

So. Wes and I are all dolled up and headed to a rehearsal dinner. We toodle merrily along the roads, pull into the long driveway, go around a bend, and there stands a cow. Or maybe I should say a calf. And it’s Wesley’s brothers’ calf.

We stare at it for a moment. And then I say, ‘don’t worry Wes. I read pioneer woman. I know what to do.’

I gently prod Wes out of the car, take over the driver seat of the car and glory in the fact that we are in the mighty forrester. Wes is overcome with confidence that pioneer woman and I have his back.

And thus the adventure begins.

Wes begins by gently coaxing.

Cow considers. I holler things out the window like, ‘away to me!’ and ‘come by!’ all the while merrily snapping photos on the iphone.

Cow nibbles. Then decides Wes is too close. Cow tries to bolt. I’ve been prepared for such a moment and slam it into reverse to keep cow away from road and thicket.

Wes somehow gets cow to cross driveway and I drive parallel and a little behind in case cow bolts. I’m better at forward than reverse.

By this time we have a very interested audience of three brown cows. They’ve been tracking progress the whole time.

We make it to the gate and I park the forrester so we have a longer tunnel to shuttle the cow through. Unfortunately, cow makes a wrong turn and ends up in a dead end.

Wes works with what he has and off comes the belt.

And thus begins the game of tug-a-war. Cow was not pleased and the game did not last very long. The belt snapped. And cow retreated back to dead end. (Notice the spectators).

And here’s where I really come in. Just to give you a visual, I’m in a long gray and black skirt, flowy pink top, and blazer. Perfect outfit for the job..

So Wes goes into dead end with cow and shoos him out. I’m standing right about where the cow is in that last picture. I open my jacket and widen my stance so I look really big. Sort of a ‘don’t mess with Texas’ pose.

It works! Cow runs toward cleverly parked forrester, hangs a left with us hot on its heels and runs through open gate.

We high five. Laugh. Call Russel and tell him he owes Wes a belt. He’s like, ‘that’s not my cow.’

Crud. Er… ‘Was it supposed to go in the fence??’

It was. Sigh of relief and laugh all over again.

And we continue our leisurely drive to the rehearsal dinner.

Not every day I get to pretend to be PW.

So rich.